Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

In my in-box today I was offered a special deal on magazine subscriptions.

I haven’t subscribed to magazines since my children were born.  Excepting those fundraising subscriptions they come home with now and then.   Then once they arrive, I have to tear off the front cover so not to permanently implant suggestions in my sons’ open minds that that’s what women are supposed to look like.

Eyeing my coverless, unread magazines this morning as they sit on the ottoman, I started thinking about trends.  I’ve never liked trends, since the minute a new one appears you’re instantly on the outside looking in.

That seems to be the effect of a trend – the creation of an in crowd and an out crowd.  The in crowd steeped in a vulnerability of knowing that their membership is based on something momentary.  The out crowd made up of three parts – the blissfully unaware, the couldn’t care less and the desperately seeking a way out.

Taking a look around, no one seems to hit the clothing trends all that effectively.  When some do, I find myself hoping that that they have a good friend who will talk them into a different choice next time.

Like most trends, particularly style trends, people try to embrace them because they want to fit in.  We’d be better off, though, understanding our own self and style and moving more in that direction.  Living for the external ‘fit’ or approval always results in an empty ending.

Same goes for business.  I love the way most marketers have shifted almost completely into simply doing what works, as opposed to following bucolic, pre-digested formulas.  Interestingly, the most successful companies tend to reflect their original reasons for existence in their mission and in their marketing. They may reinvent their offerings from time to time to better meet demand, but those who remember the why and the passion for the company’s existence in the first place find that customers resonate powerfully to that wisdom.

There is reason and meaning for everyone here.  The more tuned in to that path we can be, the more we reject the external suggestions we should be or do something else, the happier, more meaningful our lives are.

You have to wonder why it is that we often feel so responsible for others’ behavior.

“People don’t change” a friend of mine told me years ago.  I argued with her for months about this.  But ultimately, for most people, I think she’s right.

And if someone does change, it’s because they have profound internal motivation to do so.  Not because someone else wanted them to.

We know this.  So the question begs, “Why do we still try to change others?”

Often it’s because on some subconscious level,  we think we have to – sometimes we think it’s for our benefit, sometimes for theirs.

Sometimes we’re trying to control our environment – and every one in it for our own benefit.  Or we feel that other people are incapable of the change we think they should embrace. Or maybe we want them to act in ways which would make us feel better about ourselves.

Either way we’re being delusional about who the other person is, and what our responsibilities are, and setting ourselves up for disappointment.  Not to mention we’re being rather arrogant that we might live someone else’s life better than they would.

How many times have you seen a woman, or a man for that matter, fall in love and completely deny who their new partner really is?  Only to discover a few years down the road that they’re completely incompatible.  Or how about the manager who hires too quickly, without thoroughly vetting their candidates?

You can inspire, you can offer help, and those are good things to do, but we’re better off in the end by also practicing awareness – seeing people for who they are.  People don’t change because they should, or because we want them to.  They only change when they want to.

And this is *really* good news.  Because first, Thank God it’s not our job to change someone else.  That’s our ‘get out of jail free’ card.  And second, that when someone wants to change – watch out.  Nothing can hold them back.

Frustrating as it is that someone else might not behave the way we want them to, I still think this is a pretty brilliant design.